Colic- This has
been a very personal topic as of recently and one of the main reasons why I
decided to blog again. It is
something I feel that not many people understand or are empathetic to and more
importantly, there are few resources to help parents going through it. I want to share our family’s story
about dealing with colic.
Hallie was a great baby. I went too many labor hours and many labor pains to have
her, but after that, we dealt with very few low points. Hayes on the other hand, was/is a different
story. I had a super short labor with him that was enjoyable…but
everything that came after was hard on the nerves. I know there are worse things then a child who has colic,
but when you are in the trenches with it…it can be your worst enemy.
Colic is a frustrating condition
marked by predictable periods of significant distress in an otherwise well-fed,
healthy baby. Babies with colic often cry more than three hours a day, three
days a week for three weeks or longer. Nothing you do to try to help your baby
during these episodes seems to bring any relief.
It had been 6 very long weeks of having Hayes at home when
we finally gave up and called the pediatrician one Saturday morning. We hadn’t slept which isn’t uncommon
for parents with newborns…but I truly mean…we really hadn’t slept. Hayes only wanted to be held and even then
he would scream. Hayes would be
fed, changed, bathed and all his needs met and still scream. You may say that “oh he may have
reflux, or be gassy, or just unsettled” but I assure you that when your baby
goes from stirring to outright blood-curdling screaming…you will want to hang
from the ceiling. This was our
life. Poor Hallie had learned to
ignore him…but both Ryan and I were beginning to feel resentment toward our
beautiful new baby who had a clean bill of health all except for this. IT WAS AWFUL!
When we spoke with the Dr. she assured us that we were not
alone, that we weren’t bad parents for thinking bad things and she gave me the
best advice/saying yet…”You won’t do a bad thing to your son despite this,
because you are educated and have healthy coping skills.” She also directed us to a resource
online called Purple Crying. Since
there is no known cause for colic, Purple Crying helps give resources and
support to families when there is excessive crying with their newborn. After reading about Purple Crying I
felt so much better and not alone.
It didn’t fix Hayes by any means, but it helped bring me down off the
ledge.
What was also so difficult about coping with Hayes and his
colic was our support system.
Parents forget what it is like to have a newborn, especially one that is
different from their children.
They also forget the tough times, and honestly, circumstances can be
completely different. Ryan and I
found that our support systems were less then empathetic to our situation. The worst thing that you can say to
parents of a colic baby is “it will get better.” Obviously it will.
I am smart enough to know that.
But when I am weeks if not months in with a child who can’t settle and I
am busy with another child along side of that…I don’t want to hear that. Not to mention, people’s idea of help
was to hold or play with Hallie.
That infuriated me. Hallie
didn’t need help. She wanted our
attention, which was consumed by Hayes.
I desired people to take Hayes and just hold him. Nobody wants to hold the screaming baby
though. Or if by chance he fell asleep while they held him they would have the
nerve to say “well he isn’t that bad, since I’ve been holding him he has been
fine.” Well good for you… am so
glad that you are the key to my child’s happiness. UGH.
While people may think that Ryan and I got ourselves into
this “mess” by having two kids so close together, we wouldn’t change it no
matter how terrible some days have been.
We are extremely blessed and we don’t take that for granted. But that being said, we shouldn’t be
punished by others judgments’ because we did get ourselves into this “beautiful
mess.” We have been fortunate
(well not in the best way as I feel sympathy for them to) to have other friends
who have multiple children who also just happened to have a baby boy right around the same time as us. They haven’t been so lucky either when
it comes to a rock-star newborn. The 3am facebook messaging while
breastfeeding or pumping with the mamas has been funny and comforting.
Ryan and I know that we are not alone. We DO know that it will get
better. We pray that Hayes will
not be a difficult child as he gets older. We do love him and are thankful for his recent smiles and
laughs, how he lights up when Hallie kisses him and that he is a healthy baby
boy. We continue to practice
patience that time goes by and he gets more settled and soothed.
I know that this is honest, brutally honest and some may be
offended by my thoughts and words.
I am a mom just trying to do the best job I can in raising my
children. I am not perfect and do
not intend to be. I hope that you
find my words comforting to those of you out there who are going through
troubled times with your children.
Believe me when I say, I know how you feel.
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