The Casserole

The NOT SO Basic Casserole

I recently spoke with a fellow mom who turned up her nose at the very notion of making a breakfast casserole for a moms group we participate in.  The word “basic” has become a trendy quip and apparently a "casserole" has fallen into that basic category.  I thought back to seven short months ago when we welcomed our fourth child (in six years) into the world, and the freezer and refrigerator were stocked with casseroles that friends, neighbors, and even acquaintances made for our family.  We ate for weeks with little worry on meal preparations, and it was glorious.   It was in this reflection that I thought, when did we become a society that turned away from the food that has brought people together in a time of celebration, in remorse, in loss, and even war?  When did we become too good for a casserole?

A casserole (whether it be the food combination itself or the vessel in which it is served) is derived from French or pan.  When I was inspired to write this post, I starting thinking and wondering, what was the actual historical significance of this “basic” sustenance?  

Judy Hervdejs and Lauren Hill of the Chicago Tribune must have been thinking the same thing about this one stop shop meal.  I read an article they had published called In Defense of the humble casserole and it made me wonder when the casserole was introduced into society?  Was it around the same time of the invention of the television? Maybe it was a way to make dinner fast and no fuss, but it turns out, a casserole has been around far longer then I anticipated.  How ignorant my snobby food critic acquaintance and I were.

Believe it or not, Pyrex (one of the infamous vessels a casserole is baked in) has been around since the early 1900's.  Tuna fish casserole was a spontaneous culinary invention of the 1940's during the meat shortage during WWII. Green Bean casserole, an American classic, was said to have been born in 1955.  So at this point, we can say that the casserole we are familiar with today, is over a century old but who knows what they looked like prior to the 1900's.

We overlook that a casserole has been called many flashy names in different cultures and languages; cassoulet (French), moussaka (Greece), Lasagna (Italy), and Strata (Australia…variety of levels.)  Truth be told, casseroles were a means to ration food (meat, sugar, dairy) in times of hardship in depressions and war.  They’ve been shared through fellowship of church gatherings, family potlucks, and the memorial services of loved ones we lost. 

So, next time you find yourself wondering what to make for dinner, what sort of dish you can bring to pass, or what gift of a meal you can take a friend or neighbor, remember…there are no shortages of casserole recipes out there that are too basic or boring to fill-up someone’s fridge, their stomach, and especially their heart.  

Article:

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I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!

I haven’t blogged in a really long time…well, technically two kids ago.  While in years/months/days that much time hasn’t really passed, however, in parenthood, it has felt like an eternity. Truth is, I’ve been in the thick of it for quite awhile.  I’ve had this gnawing feeling to start writing again, and also been asked if I have ever done a blog to document my daily realities as a wife, mother, and woman.  I don’t think I am an expert in any capacity for these subject matters, but I certainly was fast tracked through the many seasons of them.  Heck, I’m still learning every single day as I’ve grown in my case studies…Hallie, Hayes, Hollis and finally Henley have given me some great content to work with.

I’m realizing that time however long it can feel on really bad day, is also flying by toward school, sports, and activities and there is nothing I can do to slow it down.  Henley is somehow 3 months old today, and already losing some of her newborn/itty bitty baby-ness to her.  It makes me sad. I was still holding on to Hollis being my baby, and he is 2 and a tornado at that.  Don’t even get me started with Hallie (4.5) and Hayes (3.5) who are in the thick of preschool and Kindergarten prep years.  I see yellow school busses in my near future and it terrifies me.  

The responsibilities I have felt since becoming a legit stay at home mom carry a great weight on my chest.  I swore I would never stay home with my kids and raise them full-time, and yet here I am, raising four kids, and hoping to god I am doing something right. They are awesome though and make it hysterical and insane.    

I wasn’t sure what I was going to write in my first blog back after a few years hiatus, but I guess I took the biggest step, which was just to begin again.  So, stay tuned for stories of my chaotic world in our party of 6.

The Child Wrangler...(Insert John Wayne Western Movie Theme Music)

I have two children under the age of two.  They are thisclose to being Irish twins.  As I wrote a piece for CNN, I discussed how my hands are full (in a good way) but let me tell you, there are times when my full hands are tired…very, very tired.

As always in writing my blog posts, I want to take a minute to say how lucky I am.  Sometimes people feel the need to remind me of this even though I think it every day, many times a day.  When I put it out on facebook that I was going to write a survival piece for mom friends about having two children close together and under two, I got some great feedback but also some jabs.  In no way do I take my situation for granted and in no way would I do it differently.  I know that there are many people out there who would love my opportunity and I pray for them constantly that they would be equally lucky.  With that being said, I am honest to a fault and that is why I write about life as it happens to me.  We all have good days and bad, and often I am lost in the chaos that two children bring in all of their awesomeness. 

So… here are a few things to make life a little easier for all of us moms with kids close together in age and under the toddler umbrella. 

The idea is to embrace the chaos…

Count to Ten if …

You find crayon on the walls, there is a non-stop screaming or crying competition going on, if your husband if going to get home much later then anticipated, you are fixin’ to snap and so on.  You get the idea, counting to ten allows you to breathe, and reassess the current situation you find yourself and your children in. 

I often count to ten when I shut myself in our downstairs bathroom just so I have a single moment alone.  It works 98% of the time.   When Hayes had colic I counted to ten hundreds of times a day.  It was such a necessary coping mechanism to control my heart rate since he could pick up on my anxiety and stress.  If Hallie blatantly defies me, which; she is really learning to do, I count to ten and think about how to teach her instead or yell or punish.  Go on, count to ten.

Have a Dance Party if…

You have run out of arts and crafts to do, your child needs to burn off some energy, you feel like crying, you feel like singing, and you want to shake your rump.

Our family has regular dance parties in the kitchen as you may have seen on Facebook videos.  I cook dinner with music on so Hallie is entertained (draining energy) and Hayes can feel apart of it to while in his walker thingy.  Hallie loves to dance and I am relaxed while she is happy allowing me to get a proper meal on the table versus take out.

Fill Your Arms if…

You have children who need to be fed by bottle or breast, the kids want to devour book after book, want your attention and love, you need to carry a diaper bag, grocery bag and school bag.

For a long time I could only ever hold Hayes to keep him from screaming with his colic.  Hallie started to get jealous and just wanted to be held by me for once like she used to.  It became a delicate balance where I consciously needed to make an effort to hold her so she felt just as important.  Now I find I am holding Hayes and she will just crawl right into my lap and all three of us are happy that we are squished together.  I think about the time when they both won’t want to be held and it makes me sad.  So, I fill my arms with as much love as possible with the two of them.

Put your errands/chores/to-do’s down if…

They don’t need to be done this second, the dishes can wait, the laundry can wait the kids cannot.  (Hire a cleaning service once or twice a month to get the deep clean, that way you are surface cleaning in between and it buys you more quality mom and wife time.)  Get your kids involved with chores and tasks. 

Hallie helps me with laundry and emptying the dishwasher (minus the sharp objects), she likes to sort and put her toys away (that took lots of practice) and now it’s a fun game and makes my life easier.  I sometimes need a lot of patience when she does help out because it can take twice as long…but she feels helpful and proud.

So this may not be the Boy Scouts guide to surviving parenthood and the great challenges it presents, but I’d like to think you all have been there and can think about how the smallest of things can help up in a bigger way.  I have found in my experience with my two kids, is that simple is best.  Some of the craziest baby gear I got has been rendered useless while a simple wooden spoon and Tupperware bowl seem to compete with the Tran Siberian Orchestra.  HA HA.  I hope you get my point.  With multiple kids it can feel like they are taking up more of your time and at first they will, but eventually it evens out and you can return to some sense of peace.  I hope you can find comfort in that. 

Beautiful Messes

 I have many mom friends and acquaintances that I would describe as beautiful messes.  In no way does this imply that I am bashing them…hear me out.

My friend Katie recently posted on Facebook about how she sometimes felt discouraged by people saying “How do you do it all?”  I got the feeling that they were complimenting her, but it reminds me of when people tell me “You have your hands full.”  It isn’t always meant as a bash, more like a twisted way of saying “WOW, you go girl.”  I look at Katie’s life through Facebook and in no way does she say that she is perfect and handles life like a pro.  She is a working mom with three kids, with a husband who travels a lot and yet still manages to enjoy life and smile.   I see a lot of myself in her.  Some nights she throws the towel in and takes her kids for a Happy Meal…no perfect square dinner for her kids with pressure to eat their veggies.  She goes the extra effort to take them out in their community, to get them involved with tasks at home and to make sure they know how much she loves them.   What I like most about her though, is her genuine, energetic love for her children even when waiving her white surrender flag after a terrible, no good, very bad day.  She encourages me to do my mommy thing knowing that it won’t be perfect.  Thank you Katie!

I try to have a lot of perspective and I think that has increased since I have become a mom.  However, I see a lot of social media, advertisements, trending pediatrics etc. setting us moms up for failure…having to make time and afford to do kindermusic, jungle java, Suzuki violin, mandarian lessons, cloth diapering, homemade baby food, constant baby wearing and the list goes on.  Those are some very high limbo bars to set for us to be able to dance our way under.  I don’t expect to be perfect, in fact most days I just aim for a shower, three meals for my kids and some color outside of the line artwork with Hallie.  I used to be a perfectionist, especially with my former job as a teacher, but in no way do I strive for that now.  What kind of example would I be setting for Hallie and Hayes if all I wanted were to be perfect?  Perfection comes in all shapes and sizes and wouldn’t it be great to have a teachable moment with your kids to appreciate it here and there as to not come to expect it?  That is what I want to teach them just as I think my friend Katie does.  Just as I think a lot of my friends and acquaintances do.

So, for some fun, I have gone back to my Facebook feed and found the first 5 people who have popped up and I am going to write why I think they are beautiful messes below:

Lindsay Brewster:  You are a beautiful mess because you are the ultimate risk taker and journey maker.  I envy your courageousness and your honesty with house hunting in Hong Kong!

Kat Foley Edmonds:  You are a beautiful mess because you just had a baby and are coaching high school tennis and managing your own photography business.  I wish I could say I like your choices in college athletic teams, but that is a discussion over a beer or twenty. 

Erin Walther Slagle:  You are a Beautiful Mess because you had a witty response to the Southwest Agent.  What mom can think on their toes traveling with a baby like that?!!!  You go girl!

Jul E Fried:  You are a Beautiful Mess because you have adopted two dogs and I’m assuming have found many more and even driven some to their new homes while going to school and working.

Gaylee Tibbetts Mendenhall:  You are a Beautiful Mess because you survived Breast Cancer and then wrote a book about it while teaching very energetic second graders while having chemo!

So I challenge you fabulous women to find five women who are a Beautiful Mess in life.  Who are not perfect and own that fact.  Who are giving and kind.  Go!

I'll order the Boundaries with a side of serious.

***I wish I could write this with no filter, real names and legit examples, but I can’t.  I do try to write with humor, honesty and class, but I will not use spite to get my thoughts across.  I did use my parents in a situation only because we have a very open and honest relationship where we CAN talk about anything and that is why I could include them in an example without possibly hurting their feelings.

Kids (babies) are game changers in every way.  I once had a counselor actually tell me that while Hallie was sitting in her car seat at 2 weeks old in the psychologist’s office. (long story)  Ryan and I knew that having children would drastically change our lives for the good and the bad.  We were ready to embrace it and do the best we could while still trying to keep some elements of “us” intact.  What we forgot was how the rest of the world and people in it would feel free to say and do whatever they wanted with us, and our children.  Enter…boundaries!!!!!!!! 

What I wasn’t aware of (I wont speak for Ryan) is how much having children affected my other relationships…family, friends, coworkers and strangers.  The expectations we place on ourselves and those around us can drastically shift and be rearranged in the priority world.  Your nuclear family becomes priority #1 and nothing comes in the way of that.  Nothing.  Enter….more tough boundaries with those we love the most!!!!!!!

Boundary 1: Family Foe’s and “Frenemies”

Ryan and I make an awesome team.  It sounds cheesy but I assure you that it has helped in some truly dark times.  We make sure we are on the same page for most things or at least acknowledge agreeing to disagree.  In all matters of the kids and family though, we do what is best for their safety and wellness at all times.  This is especially true with protecting them from certain individuals we know are not good influences or could be potentially toxic.  Many people highly disagree with our decisions with this and can not understand why we have set these boundaries, but last time I checked…these were are children and we really do know them and what is best for them for now.   That is one thing Ryan and I are most similar in…our principles and when it comes to being consistent with our boundaries, we do not string people along or give them any way to reinterpret our meaning.  When we say no, we mean it.  It has led to some great disappointment, unfair treatment and isolation, but to me, such sacrifice has been necessary to prevent damage to Hallie and Hayes’ well-being. 

Situation 2:  Emotional Empowerment

 I have always been a selfless giver of my emotions.  I typically wear my heart on my sleeve and very rarely hide how I am feeling.  (There is one major exception to this.)  Having children has most certainly elevated my “emotional placement” where I have no time to dilly dally with letting people know how I feel.  The only thing different is maybe how I unload, communicate or acknowledge how I am feeling to others because I need to really practice being a good role model to my children.  Even with my parents, I just let them know when I get tired of them trying to tell me how I should do things or that I am upset with them (sorry guys).  With Ryan I try to hold back the blubbering so I can effectively just get to the point…if I expect more from him, I tell him.  Letting it all be a slow boil leads to dangerous safety hazards…emotionally that is.  It has been healthy learning to rework my communicating of emotions and I have found that I am disappointed a lot less by people’s actions or inactions.  I also have so many repeat offenders in my life that I can pretty much anticipate their behaviors and actions before the scenario plays out.   Sad but true. 

Situation 3:  Disappointing Dame

I wish I could be a better sister and friend.  At times I wish that I could go back to just being a wife and not a mom and focus on every,single.little.word. Ryan says at dinner instead of listening while feeding Hayes, trying to eat myself while playing food defense against Hallie as she catapults chopped chicken my way.  We are thankful for the “crazy town” we have at the house and wouldn’t go back, just so we are clear!!!!!  Time is a luxury and it is most certainly not on my side to go and  see my sister more, to run off and do more girl weekends with friends and to nourish these important relationships in my life.  Ryan gets me at my best and worst…and a lot of in between and somehow manages to keep me around!  Having kids and having outside relationships has given me a lot of perspective when these important people’s lives were in the same boat and they weren’t able to do the same with me.  I totally get it now and am much more empathetic. 

Boundaries are necessary in all relationships.  They require revisiting and restructuring as the relationship can change, grow, or deteriorate.  When you go to have children, that is a true time to reflect on your current relationships you have and how they will influence and impact your nuclear family.  If there is one thing I have learned though, communicate your reasoning for having the boundaries in place and continue to reinforce this so there are no misguided feelings or opportunities for people to find loopholes to manipulate their way through. 

Catching up with Colic: A 6-month update

Hayes will be 6 months next week…and what a rollercoaster it has been.  I always say in my blogs, that there are many other hardships that our family could encounter, but at the time…this was very difficult.

I was reflecting back on my blog post about colic and how it was one of the driving forces for me to write again.  It was and still is a topic I feel very strongly about in parenting and how more information and support needs to be given to parents…especially new ones. 

You see a lot of crazy things on the news, but the worst ones, the hardest to swallow, are the injustices done to infants or small children.  You ask yourself  “How could anyone do that to a baby or child?”  People are quick to judge (most of the time the person was just cruel and evil) and don’t know the whole back-story or are not empathetic to the situation.  I do not in any way condone wrongdoings to babies or children, but my eyes are much more open to reasons why things are done.  Lack of sleep, screaming and non-stop crying, lack of a support system, single-parenting, traumatic labor and delivery…the list goes on.

  I still say if you can’t joke about things, then you are never going to get through the hard stuff.  Ryan and I officially lost our minds when Hayes was around 6 weeks old.  His screaming wouldn’t let up, he was never happy and we were beyond tired.  We ran to the Dr. on a Saturday morning half-joking about thoughts we were thinking, but would NEVER do.  Our Dr. said “It is good to make humor in a dark time, because this stuff is awful.”  She also mentioned that we were educated people who had coping skills…that was the best thing she could say and I have continued to tell my friends and family this.  Ryan and I know we would never do anything to harm our kids because we were smart enough to know the difference between thinking of it in desperation of feeling terrible (completely sleep deprived and overly frustrated) versus acting on it in impulse because we didn’t know better.  I did lots of reading on Purple Crying as they call it, which is a resource for parents coping with colicky children and strongly recommend their website.  Since there is no known cause or cure for Colic…all you can do is hope that it gets better and try to survive.

This is exactly what Ryan and I did.  Any little thing that Hayes did in a positive manner…I celebrated like it was the fourth of July.  We continued to take turns holding or interacting with him to give each other a break from the bad times.  We got some reprieve when he started daycare…even they saw his “~isms” and how they could make your heart rate pick up a notch.  We have finally gotten some peace with him and mass amounts of time in sheer joy.  Hayes will smile, laugh (giggle) and even babble.  He loves to be tickled, to roll all over the floor or to get hugs and kisses by Hallie.  She can also finally enjoy his new personality and how he looks to her with curious eyes.  I feel that we are in a far better place then we were even two months ago.  He sleeps through the better part of the night.  He is still a terrible daytime napper, but we are working on it.  I find myself wanting to just hold him out of want because now I know how fast time will fly by and he will be non-stop energy.

I will be honest, and this sounds terrible, but during those first few months, I had a really hard time liking him.  I LOVED him, but liking him on a daily basis was just plane difficult.  He was an innocent to that, I was exhausted…but things are on the up and I am so thankful that Ryan and I could get through it together with lots of patience and prayer. 

For those of you pregnant or new parents and you think that your child may be colicky, get to a Dr. just to get some peace of mind, read up about Purple Crying and do know that it will pass eventually.  You will feel rage, frustration and total exhaustion…but there will come a time when you can enjoy all the love that this child emits.

This was Hayes just moments after being born.  You can so obviously see his dislike for what is going on.  We got the pleasure of living with his distaste for the outside world for the past 6 months.

This is Hayes now.  Don't you just want to squeeze, hug and love him?

Sleep when baby sleeps...Debunked

I don’t think I am ever going to sleep again.  I mean in a nice deep sleep where both eyes are closed and you are not worried about your children not breathing, or sounds that go “bump” in the night.  I think that sleep ship has since sailed.  If I get an uninterrupted 4 hours, I consider it “rested.”  My mother-in-law said it pretty good “you just get used to feeling crappy” and it is true.  I have perpetual sleep circles under my eyes, I have lost some of my ridiculous memory mojo and I find myself fairly out of it most days. 

I think back to when Hallie was first born.  She was a terrible sleeper for the first 6 months.  She would nap during the day and at great lengths.  However, to get this child to sleep at night took half a year.  When she finally made it to 180 days and change…we hit a magic moment…12 hours of sleep a night along with two three-hour long naps during the day.  I felt like I had won the lottery.  The problem was, life had stacked up items for me to do during those initial six months and catching up on sleep was simply not an option. 

I wish I could say that it got “easier.”  F the people who say to “sleep when baby sleeps” when you have TWO babies under two.  They can kiss my butt.  Also, to those people who magically had babies sleeping through the night at 2 weeks…I say “bullshit” to you.  And, it is actually true, I don’t want to know about it.  I haven’t slept more then 6 hours at a time since Hayes was born and he is rapidly approaching 6 months.  I look like hell.  I most certainly feel like hell.  I joke that when they are 18 I may actually sleep through the night, but then I remember when my mom would call and be wide awake while I was at college because she couldn’t sleep, as she was worried about me.  So, sleep is a luxury. 

Hayes is a possum.  He doesn’t nap more then 20 minutes at a time, and he must be held or in a swing.  I am writing this as I experiment with putting him down in his crib but he is crying.  I am honestly hoping he will cry himself to sleep…guilty as charged.  At night, I think the most he has slept at one time is 6 or 7 hours which; was great…but those nights I was up with Hallie because she had a nightmare or was sick. 

I sometimes wonder if I would kick-ass at a resistance type training since half of it is psychological terror due to lack of sleep.  I bet I could skate circles around some of those people.  I have hallucinated once with lack of sleep…two weeks after Hallie was born. I swear I felt myself levitating over my actual body at one point and my head felt all fuzzy. 

In any event…those of you pregnant and wanting to know the worst thing about having a baby…it is lack of sleep.  Hands down.  You will feel awful.  You will be angry and moody and not your normal self.  It sucks.  People never told me how awful it was and I wish they would have.  I won’t sugar coat it for my friends.  Sleep as much as you can now before you have a baby.  Stay in bed till noon if you can.  Take naps when the sun is out.  Just sleep like it is a luxury, because frankly, it is.

That is all.