The Child Wrangler...(Insert John Wayne Western Movie Theme Music)

I have two children under the age of two.  They are thisclose to being Irish twins.  As I wrote a piece for CNN, I discussed how my hands are full (in a good way) but let me tell you, there are times when my full hands are tired…very, very tired.

As always in writing my blog posts, I want to take a minute to say how lucky I am.  Sometimes people feel the need to remind me of this even though I think it every day, many times a day.  When I put it out on facebook that I was going to write a survival piece for mom friends about having two children close together and under two, I got some great feedback but also some jabs.  In no way do I take my situation for granted and in no way would I do it differently.  I know that there are many people out there who would love my opportunity and I pray for them constantly that they would be equally lucky.  With that being said, I am honest to a fault and that is why I write about life as it happens to me.  We all have good days and bad, and often I am lost in the chaos that two children bring in all of their awesomeness. 

So… here are a few things to make life a little easier for all of us moms with kids close together in age and under the toddler umbrella. 

The idea is to embrace the chaos…

Count to Ten if …

You find crayon on the walls, there is a non-stop screaming or crying competition going on, if your husband if going to get home much later then anticipated, you are fixin’ to snap and so on.  You get the idea, counting to ten allows you to breathe, and reassess the current situation you find yourself and your children in. 

I often count to ten when I shut myself in our downstairs bathroom just so I have a single moment alone.  It works 98% of the time.   When Hayes had colic I counted to ten hundreds of times a day.  It was such a necessary coping mechanism to control my heart rate since he could pick up on my anxiety and stress.  If Hallie blatantly defies me, which; she is really learning to do, I count to ten and think about how to teach her instead or yell or punish.  Go on, count to ten.

Have a Dance Party if…

You have run out of arts and crafts to do, your child needs to burn off some energy, you feel like crying, you feel like singing, and you want to shake your rump.

Our family has regular dance parties in the kitchen as you may have seen on Facebook videos.  I cook dinner with music on so Hallie is entertained (draining energy) and Hayes can feel apart of it to while in his walker thingy.  Hallie loves to dance and I am relaxed while she is happy allowing me to get a proper meal on the table versus take out.

Fill Your Arms if…

You have children who need to be fed by bottle or breast, the kids want to devour book after book, want your attention and love, you need to carry a diaper bag, grocery bag and school bag.

For a long time I could only ever hold Hayes to keep him from screaming with his colic.  Hallie started to get jealous and just wanted to be held by me for once like she used to.  It became a delicate balance where I consciously needed to make an effort to hold her so she felt just as important.  Now I find I am holding Hayes and she will just crawl right into my lap and all three of us are happy that we are squished together.  I think about the time when they both won’t want to be held and it makes me sad.  So, I fill my arms with as much love as possible with the two of them.

Put your errands/chores/to-do’s down if…

They don’t need to be done this second, the dishes can wait, the laundry can wait the kids cannot.  (Hire a cleaning service once or twice a month to get the deep clean, that way you are surface cleaning in between and it buys you more quality mom and wife time.)  Get your kids involved with chores and tasks. 

Hallie helps me with laundry and emptying the dishwasher (minus the sharp objects), she likes to sort and put her toys away (that took lots of practice) and now it’s a fun game and makes my life easier.  I sometimes need a lot of patience when she does help out because it can take twice as long…but she feels helpful and proud.

So this may not be the Boy Scouts guide to surviving parenthood and the great challenges it presents, but I’d like to think you all have been there and can think about how the smallest of things can help up in a bigger way.  I have found in my experience with my two kids, is that simple is best.  Some of the craziest baby gear I got has been rendered useless while a simple wooden spoon and Tupperware bowl seem to compete with the Tran Siberian Orchestra.  HA HA.  I hope you get my point.  With multiple kids it can feel like they are taking up more of your time and at first they will, but eventually it evens out and you can return to some sense of peace.  I hope you can find comfort in that. 

Beautiful Messes

 I have many mom friends and acquaintances that I would describe as beautiful messes.  In no way does this imply that I am bashing them…hear me out.

My friend Katie recently posted on Facebook about how she sometimes felt discouraged by people saying “How do you do it all?”  I got the feeling that they were complimenting her, but it reminds me of when people tell me “You have your hands full.”  It isn’t always meant as a bash, more like a twisted way of saying “WOW, you go girl.”  I look at Katie’s life through Facebook and in no way does she say that she is perfect and handles life like a pro.  She is a working mom with three kids, with a husband who travels a lot and yet still manages to enjoy life and smile.   I see a lot of myself in her.  Some nights she throws the towel in and takes her kids for a Happy Meal…no perfect square dinner for her kids with pressure to eat their veggies.  She goes the extra effort to take them out in their community, to get them involved with tasks at home and to make sure they know how much she loves them.   What I like most about her though, is her genuine, energetic love for her children even when waiving her white surrender flag after a terrible, no good, very bad day.  She encourages me to do my mommy thing knowing that it won’t be perfect.  Thank you Katie!

I try to have a lot of perspective and I think that has increased since I have become a mom.  However, I see a lot of social media, advertisements, trending pediatrics etc. setting us moms up for failure…having to make time and afford to do kindermusic, jungle java, Suzuki violin, mandarian lessons, cloth diapering, homemade baby food, constant baby wearing and the list goes on.  Those are some very high limbo bars to set for us to be able to dance our way under.  I don’t expect to be perfect, in fact most days I just aim for a shower, three meals for my kids and some color outside of the line artwork with Hallie.  I used to be a perfectionist, especially with my former job as a teacher, but in no way do I strive for that now.  What kind of example would I be setting for Hallie and Hayes if all I wanted were to be perfect?  Perfection comes in all shapes and sizes and wouldn’t it be great to have a teachable moment with your kids to appreciate it here and there as to not come to expect it?  That is what I want to teach them just as I think my friend Katie does.  Just as I think a lot of my friends and acquaintances do.

So, for some fun, I have gone back to my Facebook feed and found the first 5 people who have popped up and I am going to write why I think they are beautiful messes below:

Lindsay Brewster:  You are a beautiful mess because you are the ultimate risk taker and journey maker.  I envy your courageousness and your honesty with house hunting in Hong Kong!

Kat Foley Edmonds:  You are a beautiful mess because you just had a baby and are coaching high school tennis and managing your own photography business.  I wish I could say I like your choices in college athletic teams, but that is a discussion over a beer or twenty. 

Erin Walther Slagle:  You are a Beautiful Mess because you had a witty response to the Southwest Agent.  What mom can think on their toes traveling with a baby like that?!!!  You go girl!

Jul E Fried:  You are a Beautiful Mess because you have adopted two dogs and I’m assuming have found many more and even driven some to their new homes while going to school and working.

Gaylee Tibbetts Mendenhall:  You are a Beautiful Mess because you survived Breast Cancer and then wrote a book about it while teaching very energetic second graders while having chemo!

So I challenge you fabulous women to find five women who are a Beautiful Mess in life.  Who are not perfect and own that fact.  Who are giving and kind.  Go!

I'll order the Boundaries with a side of serious.

***I wish I could write this with no filter, real names and legit examples, but I can’t.  I do try to write with humor, honesty and class, but I will not use spite to get my thoughts across.  I did use my parents in a situation only because we have a very open and honest relationship where we CAN talk about anything and that is why I could include them in an example without possibly hurting their feelings.

Kids (babies) are game changers in every way.  I once had a counselor actually tell me that while Hallie was sitting in her car seat at 2 weeks old in the psychologist’s office. (long story)  Ryan and I knew that having children would drastically change our lives for the good and the bad.  We were ready to embrace it and do the best we could while still trying to keep some elements of “us” intact.  What we forgot was how the rest of the world and people in it would feel free to say and do whatever they wanted with us, and our children.  Enter…boundaries!!!!!!!! 

What I wasn’t aware of (I wont speak for Ryan) is how much having children affected my other relationships…family, friends, coworkers and strangers.  The expectations we place on ourselves and those around us can drastically shift and be rearranged in the priority world.  Your nuclear family becomes priority #1 and nothing comes in the way of that.  Nothing.  Enter….more tough boundaries with those we love the most!!!!!!!

Boundary 1: Family Foe’s and “Frenemies”

Ryan and I make an awesome team.  It sounds cheesy but I assure you that it has helped in some truly dark times.  We make sure we are on the same page for most things or at least acknowledge agreeing to disagree.  In all matters of the kids and family though, we do what is best for their safety and wellness at all times.  This is especially true with protecting them from certain individuals we know are not good influences or could be potentially toxic.  Many people highly disagree with our decisions with this and can not understand why we have set these boundaries, but last time I checked…these were are children and we really do know them and what is best for them for now.   That is one thing Ryan and I are most similar in…our principles and when it comes to being consistent with our boundaries, we do not string people along or give them any way to reinterpret our meaning.  When we say no, we mean it.  It has led to some great disappointment, unfair treatment and isolation, but to me, such sacrifice has been necessary to prevent damage to Hallie and Hayes’ well-being. 

Situation 2:  Emotional Empowerment

 I have always been a selfless giver of my emotions.  I typically wear my heart on my sleeve and very rarely hide how I am feeling.  (There is one major exception to this.)  Having children has most certainly elevated my “emotional placement” where I have no time to dilly dally with letting people know how I feel.  The only thing different is maybe how I unload, communicate or acknowledge how I am feeling to others because I need to really practice being a good role model to my children.  Even with my parents, I just let them know when I get tired of them trying to tell me how I should do things or that I am upset with them (sorry guys).  With Ryan I try to hold back the blubbering so I can effectively just get to the point…if I expect more from him, I tell him.  Letting it all be a slow boil leads to dangerous safety hazards…emotionally that is.  It has been healthy learning to rework my communicating of emotions and I have found that I am disappointed a lot less by people’s actions or inactions.  I also have so many repeat offenders in my life that I can pretty much anticipate their behaviors and actions before the scenario plays out.   Sad but true. 

Situation 3:  Disappointing Dame

I wish I could be a better sister and friend.  At times I wish that I could go back to just being a wife and not a mom and focus on every,single.little.word. Ryan says at dinner instead of listening while feeding Hayes, trying to eat myself while playing food defense against Hallie as she catapults chopped chicken my way.  We are thankful for the “crazy town” we have at the house and wouldn’t go back, just so we are clear!!!!!  Time is a luxury and it is most certainly not on my side to go and  see my sister more, to run off and do more girl weekends with friends and to nourish these important relationships in my life.  Ryan gets me at my best and worst…and a lot of in between and somehow manages to keep me around!  Having kids and having outside relationships has given me a lot of perspective when these important people’s lives were in the same boat and they weren’t able to do the same with me.  I totally get it now and am much more empathetic. 

Boundaries are necessary in all relationships.  They require revisiting and restructuring as the relationship can change, grow, or deteriorate.  When you go to have children, that is a true time to reflect on your current relationships you have and how they will influence and impact your nuclear family.  If there is one thing I have learned though, communicate your reasoning for having the boundaries in place and continue to reinforce this so there are no misguided feelings or opportunities for people to find loopholes to manipulate their way through. 

Catching up with Colic: A 6-month update

Hayes will be 6 months next week…and what a rollercoaster it has been.  I always say in my blogs, that there are many other hardships that our family could encounter, but at the time…this was very difficult.

I was reflecting back on my blog post about colic and how it was one of the driving forces for me to write again.  It was and still is a topic I feel very strongly about in parenting and how more information and support needs to be given to parents…especially new ones. 

You see a lot of crazy things on the news, but the worst ones, the hardest to swallow, are the injustices done to infants or small children.  You ask yourself  “How could anyone do that to a baby or child?”  People are quick to judge (most of the time the person was just cruel and evil) and don’t know the whole back-story or are not empathetic to the situation.  I do not in any way condone wrongdoings to babies or children, but my eyes are much more open to reasons why things are done.  Lack of sleep, screaming and non-stop crying, lack of a support system, single-parenting, traumatic labor and delivery…the list goes on.

  I still say if you can’t joke about things, then you are never going to get through the hard stuff.  Ryan and I officially lost our minds when Hayes was around 6 weeks old.  His screaming wouldn’t let up, he was never happy and we were beyond tired.  We ran to the Dr. on a Saturday morning half-joking about thoughts we were thinking, but would NEVER do.  Our Dr. said “It is good to make humor in a dark time, because this stuff is awful.”  She also mentioned that we were educated people who had coping skills…that was the best thing she could say and I have continued to tell my friends and family this.  Ryan and I know we would never do anything to harm our kids because we were smart enough to know the difference between thinking of it in desperation of feeling terrible (completely sleep deprived and overly frustrated) versus acting on it in impulse because we didn’t know better.  I did lots of reading on Purple Crying as they call it, which is a resource for parents coping with colicky children and strongly recommend their website.  Since there is no known cause or cure for Colic…all you can do is hope that it gets better and try to survive.

This is exactly what Ryan and I did.  Any little thing that Hayes did in a positive manner…I celebrated like it was the fourth of July.  We continued to take turns holding or interacting with him to give each other a break from the bad times.  We got some reprieve when he started daycare…even they saw his “~isms” and how they could make your heart rate pick up a notch.  We have finally gotten some peace with him and mass amounts of time in sheer joy.  Hayes will smile, laugh (giggle) and even babble.  He loves to be tickled, to roll all over the floor or to get hugs and kisses by Hallie.  She can also finally enjoy his new personality and how he looks to her with curious eyes.  I feel that we are in a far better place then we were even two months ago.  He sleeps through the better part of the night.  He is still a terrible daytime napper, but we are working on it.  I find myself wanting to just hold him out of want because now I know how fast time will fly by and he will be non-stop energy.

I will be honest, and this sounds terrible, but during those first few months, I had a really hard time liking him.  I LOVED him, but liking him on a daily basis was just plane difficult.  He was an innocent to that, I was exhausted…but things are on the up and I am so thankful that Ryan and I could get through it together with lots of patience and prayer. 

For those of you pregnant or new parents and you think that your child may be colicky, get to a Dr. just to get some peace of mind, read up about Purple Crying and do know that it will pass eventually.  You will feel rage, frustration and total exhaustion…but there will come a time when you can enjoy all the love that this child emits.

This was Hayes just moments after being born.  You can so obviously see his dislike for what is going on.  We got the pleasure of living with his distaste for the outside world for the past 6 months.

This is Hayes now.  Don't you just want to squeeze, hug and love him?

Sleep when baby sleeps...Debunked

I don’t think I am ever going to sleep again.  I mean in a nice deep sleep where both eyes are closed and you are not worried about your children not breathing, or sounds that go “bump” in the night.  I think that sleep ship has since sailed.  If I get an uninterrupted 4 hours, I consider it “rested.”  My mother-in-law said it pretty good “you just get used to feeling crappy” and it is true.  I have perpetual sleep circles under my eyes, I have lost some of my ridiculous memory mojo and I find myself fairly out of it most days. 

I think back to when Hallie was first born.  She was a terrible sleeper for the first 6 months.  She would nap during the day and at great lengths.  However, to get this child to sleep at night took half a year.  When she finally made it to 180 days and change…we hit a magic moment…12 hours of sleep a night along with two three-hour long naps during the day.  I felt like I had won the lottery.  The problem was, life had stacked up items for me to do during those initial six months and catching up on sleep was simply not an option. 

I wish I could say that it got “easier.”  F the people who say to “sleep when baby sleeps” when you have TWO babies under two.  They can kiss my butt.  Also, to those people who magically had babies sleeping through the night at 2 weeks…I say “bullshit” to you.  And, it is actually true, I don’t want to know about it.  I haven’t slept more then 6 hours at a time since Hayes was born and he is rapidly approaching 6 months.  I look like hell.  I most certainly feel like hell.  I joke that when they are 18 I may actually sleep through the night, but then I remember when my mom would call and be wide awake while I was at college because she couldn’t sleep, as she was worried about me.  So, sleep is a luxury. 

Hayes is a possum.  He doesn’t nap more then 20 minutes at a time, and he must be held or in a swing.  I am writing this as I experiment with putting him down in his crib but he is crying.  I am honestly hoping he will cry himself to sleep…guilty as charged.  At night, I think the most he has slept at one time is 6 or 7 hours which; was great…but those nights I was up with Hallie because she had a nightmare or was sick. 

I sometimes wonder if I would kick-ass at a resistance type training since half of it is psychological terror due to lack of sleep.  I bet I could skate circles around some of those people.  I have hallucinated once with lack of sleep…two weeks after Hallie was born. I swear I felt myself levitating over my actual body at one point and my head felt all fuzzy. 

In any event…those of you pregnant and wanting to know the worst thing about having a baby…it is lack of sleep.  Hands down.  You will feel awful.  You will be angry and moody and not your normal self.  It sucks.  People never told me how awful it was and I wish they would have.  I won’t sugar coat it for my friends.  Sleep as much as you can now before you have a baby.  Stay in bed till noon if you can.  Take naps when the sun is out.  Just sleep like it is a luxury, because frankly, it is.

That is all. 

Babies: The Billion Dollar Business

This has been a long awaited and much needed blog, especially for my friends out there who are expecting or just had a baby.  I collected products from friends and also from my experiences with two pregnancies and babies.  By no means am I an expert or is my opinion the final word.  I gathered the same type of intel when I was pregnant for the first time and found that I didn't use all of the recommendations give to me either.  Just as babies do not come with an instruction manual, baby gear is trial by fire.

I will try to keep this post as organized as possible.

Trends I saw with friends and their musts:

Convertible car seat/adapter for travel system:
This is to make your life easier the first many months your baby is born.  You will lug that thing around and click it into your car seat base, stroller etc etc.  Along with this car seat, you may want to consider buying a second base for your spouse/partner's car so you aren't switching all of the time.  Along with having this infant/convertible car seat, I highly recommend getting in touch with your local police/fire department and have them do an inspection to make sure you have properly installed it.  

Breast Pump:  
This is a personal preference but many people commented on it and I agree.  Whether you pump, breast feed or supplement with formula, a high quality pump will pay for itself within two months.  I did the math...trust me.  I used my pump with both babies and it has held up.  I recommend a Medela brand pump which is a little more spend.  We bought ours around early Sept. at Target...which I would recommend buying from them because they have sales at certain times of the year on them and then if you you open a target card you get an additional 5% off.  Doesn't sound like much...but it adds up.  Make sure that when you leave the hospital you also take the tubes, and accessories from the hospital grade pump.  One thing to think about it is if your insurance company will pay or help with the cost of one.  WORTH LOOKING INTO!!!!

Sleep-sack or Swaddle blankets:
Many people suggested sleep-sacks that velcro shut or the muslin gauze swaddle blankets.  Both of these items have an initial stickers shock for what they appear to be...but they are worth every penny and you don't need to buy many.  I bought a velcro sleep sack at my favorite local resale shop and then went to Buy Buy Baby with a 25% coupon on the pack of 4 Aiden & Anais swaddle blankets.  It is recommended that babies are swaddled the first 3 months at least (until they break out of them) to help them adjust into the "outer world."

Pack-N-Play or Bassinet:
Jazz up that nursery for when the baby comes, but keep an open mind to having the baby sleep in your room for a month or two.  I know everyone's experiences are different...but you also want to keep your sanity. In any event...pack-n-plays especially hold their weight in gold.  We had Hallie and Hayes both in pack-n-play type bassinets for the first 3 months because they slept bedside as newborns.  Also, when we have traveled to relatives or friends homes, we have taken our pack-n-play with us.  

Pacifiers:
I ate a lot of crow on this topic.  I read a lot of discouraging things about allowing pacifiers, but at the end of the day...you do what you need to do to survive and keep your baby quiet.  Enter...the pacifier.  BEST INVENTION EVER!!!!  My favorite pacifiers are the ones the hospital gives you...I sucked up to the nurses and had them hook me up with like 5 or 6 as those little suckers have a tendency to disappear.  Along with pacifier's, I recommend the paci tethers, and those adorable animals that are attached to the pacifiers (same kind as hospital grade.)  I think they are called Wubbanub.  

Baby Carriers:
I am luke warm on these.  I know that people swear by them and I have seen the magic.  Ergo and Bjorn are popular.  People also do the across the body slings as well.  I bought a Manduca brand in Germany that has three different positions (hmmm maybe I should brush the dust off and give Hayes a ride.)  In any event...it is a popular item and seems to be a good bonding experience for parents and children.  

Baby Wipes:
You might as well buy stock in wipes as you will go through millions by the time you leave this earth.        Ryan and I get cases of them at Costco and are lucky are kids aren't super sensitive to their store brand.  We keep them at the dinner table for kid-clean-up, in our car for various purposes, at a diaper changing area in the living room, in the kids rooms and in the diaper bag.  You get the idea.  Have them on hand (literally) as you will need them.

Zip-up Pajama footies:
I had an overabundance of clothes for Hallie to wear from my baby shower.  Poor girl lived in pajamas the first 3 months of life.  I could have changed her into adorable tutu's and such...but when it comes to practicality...homegirl was a couch potato in pjs.  No harm no foul.  Regardless...get a nice little stock of them...especially in 3 month, 6 month as it is amazing how fast newborn clothes do not fit.  Cisco Brand from Target as ones where the zipper hooks under the  neck and goes down.  we love this as it limits the chance to zip a baby chin (yeah...it happens) and also keeps their upper body warm while you change a diaper at 3am.  Snaps become your first nightmare at 3am...trust my husband.  It is amazing what I have seen when I get the kids in the morning.

Activity Mat:
We registered for one that was a Bright Stars brand and it has worked for both kids.  You can disconnect the arch like thing and through the mat in the wash when necessary.  It travels well...not to mention buys you arms-free time with baby.  I would check mom-to-mom sales and or resale shops for these.

First Aid Kit:
Nose sucker bulb or a Nose Frida (google it...genius)
Thermometer (we are still looking for one that works.  Like the temporal scanners, but our kids won't sit still long enough)
Baby nail clippers...it is amazing how fast their nails grow and how sharp those suckers are.  Have the most composed parent clip the nails...I am not allowed.  Ryan does it.
Neosporin ointment...we use that or vaseline for everything.  Sometimes it makes better diaper rash cream then Butt-Paste or Desitin.
Infant Tylenol or Ibuprofen/Motrin.  Always seek doctor's recommendations for dosage.  

Burp/spit-up cloths/changing pads:
To save yourself some money...go to ta local fabric store and get some super absorbent fabric that is also semi-soft and buy it by the yard and cut in rectangles to go over your should.  It is much most cost-effective and then you can customize your colors and or prints.  

Something else savvy...buy tablecloth fabric (vinyl) or pull fabric (cloth diaper outer layer) and cut in rectangles for washable, roll-able and travel-easy changing pad cloths.  My mom made some for me for the house and then the extra fabric I just roll or fold and use in my diaper bag.  If you need help with this one...let me know and I will send your pictures.  

Bottles:
Once again...personal preference and trial by fire.  My favorites...Medela and Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature.  Target always as these brands on sale.  I tried Dr. Brown's and there were too many parents to clean, they didn't help spit-up and made going from ta-ta to bottle more tricky.  You will need to see how your baby handles bottles and make the best choice.

Disposable nursing pads:
Lanisoh all day long.  I have tried other brands...they are my favorite.

Stroller:
I hate this topic.  Between going from one baby to two, I think we have gone through 5 strollers that we find to fit our needs.  People swear by B.O.B brand which offers a jogging option.  I have heard good things...and they last which makes it easier to spend the $$$ on it.  I have two strollers I love.  When it is Hallie and I when Hayes is with Ryan...I use a cheap umbrella stroller for easy in and out lightweight function.  Now that I have both kids with me most of the time though, I swear by the Baby Jogger City Mini.  Many people commented on this stroller along with the B.O.B..  Although the price tag was high...it has been worth every penny.  It folds up easily, it fairly lightweight, durable and easy to use.  The accessories are expensive...I would recommend registering for it, try craigslist, Facebook or a resale shop and buy a gently used one.  

I think that is it for the needs...below are splurges and steals...

Baby Swing- Baby dependent

Munchie Mug-  (amazon.com) this is the coolest thing for one your toddler starts to snack.

Car seat pouch and or canopy-  protect from wind, weather and psycho people who want to touch your sleeping baby.  Carseatcanopy.com usually has promo codes in hospital gift bags and online.

Night-time diapers-  When your child starts really saturating their diapers

Bumbo Seat:  This has been helpful in transitioning into a highchair.  Hallie loved hers and Hayes is not to afraid either.  Buy the tray as well!

IKEA Kladd Prickar art and craft bib- great for when your babies become toddlers.

Super soft cozy blanket-  Worth a splurge if you find one for a little bit more money. 

Seraphine Madison Bamboo Nursing shawl-  I bought this when we lived in Europe.  I wear it even when I am not pregnant as a pashmina.  LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!  It isn't as cheesy as a normal nursing shawl.

Sophie the Giraffe-  Yes...expensive.   Yes...worth it.  I bought a case of them when I lived in Germany as they were way cheaper there.  

Linky C chain things-  Raimbow colored c clamp like plastic things.  I think Bright Stars makes them.  Regardless they are great toys to put in your purse or diaper bag..they also click on strollers for shopping bags etc.  Cheap and awesome.

Britax Stroller Console-  I bought this to go with the Baby Jogger City Mini Double stroller.  Worth the $30...check amazon for deals.  It was the must sturdy one I could find that wouldn't spill my drinks when I would walk with the kids.

Diaper Bags-  It has been 7 bags and counting.  Biggest advice...find one that doesn't slip off of your shoulders.  Such a pain in the butt.  I use a Vera Bradley backpack and also a long strap tote bag.

Robeez crib shoes-  They are beautiful leather slippers that I swear by.  Hallie and Hayes can never keep socks on and they slip, so the best solution were these gems.  They are expensive.  I find them on amazon on sale, Zulily and or the local resale shop.  I can usually get them for $7 there instead of $25 or $35.

Babyganics Lotion-  My kids have skin issues.  They break out in rashes all the time.  Ryan has allergies so I am sure it has to do with that.  In any event, Babyganicf has this great unscented and dye free lotion that they do not react to.

Crinkle Toys-  The sound will keep the attention of babies so you can have quiet time on the toilet.  You will miss this...trust me.

White noise app, Twilight Turtle and lullaby music-  
Twilight Turtle is the bomb.  My friend go it for Hallie for her Birthday.  We love it and it cascades the most beautiful colors on her ceiling and wall.  Also...it you have an iPad or cd players...download some white noise, earthy music or lullabies for the babies room.  It eliminates you having to tip-toe everywhere.

Soap Box:
A few things to think about.  Companies will have you thinking you need to get all sorts of things...you will learn very quickly what is essential and what is fluff.  Keep your receipts and start with basics and work your way up.  Also, get to know local mom-2-mom sales in your area.  Google the main site and they will post scheduled events in your area.  It is amazing what people get rid of for next to nothing.  Craigslist is good, but be careful when you do a face-to-face transaction...especially with having small children.  I love resale shopping.  Ann Arbor has a great store that sells gentle used, high quality clothing that I scoop up all the time.  They have brand like Kickee Pants, Matilda Jane, Gap, Tea etc.  Don't be afraid to buy used as babies grow so fast.

Lastly...this is a personal announcement.  If you or a friend is registering, rethink about doing it at Babies R' Us.  I had a terrible experience with them when I registered with Hallie.  I had to do it while we were living in Germany while we were stationed there.  Their company claims to be military family friendly and they were anything buy.  I needed to exchange quite a few things and they wouldn't allow me or do it at 70% less of the value.  I go to Buy Buy Baby which is connected to Bed, Bath and Beyond.  You can use coupons from Bed, Bath and Beyond as well as Buy Buy Baby and they really work with you there in getting your the best deal.  Let's face it, you are going to want to deal hunt as a parent, because a child today is worth a $350,00 house.  Jut sayin'.

I hope you found this helpful.  I know that people have personal preferences which is fine.  You will learn what you or your child likes or dislikes and what works or not.

The Power of 3's...Disclaimer: Poo talk so be warned

For those of you superstitious ones out there…you would know that things happen in 3’s.  Well I assure you that I got my mommy butt kicked three times today.  If you get icked out by baby poo stories, then this blog is certainly one to skip.  For those of you who can relate…read on.

1)  Ryan and I take pride in getting Hallie to help out around the house.  She is a fast learner and tends to follow directions quite well.  She has a tendency to spill her sippy-cup from time to time so we have shown her how to wipe it up with a burp cloth or wipe.  She is really good at it and we are at the point when she just does it on her own.  Well today, it took a turn for the worse.  Apparently our kids have been fighting the flu without us being 100% sure.  Hallie has had a terrible cold, but the last two days, she has had light yellow, liquid-y, ridiculous smelling poo.  She has been experimenting in eating new foods and Ryan and I thought it could be a result from that.  Well I got to find out the hard way.

Ryan and I were out running errands with the kids mid afternoon and we finally made it back to the house.  As the good saying goes “If kids are silent, no good can come from that.”  I was trying to get my enchiladas in the oven when I didn’t hear a peep from Hallie.  I peaked around the corner to see Hallie wiping up this yellow stuff from the floor.  Ryan gave her a little La Croix, which she loves, and I thought that maybe she had spit up from the bubbles.  I was already feeling awful that she was wiping up her own throw-up and quickly intervened and took over.  What I thought was a  quick spit-up oops was far more complicated then that.  Ryan came in to the kitchen and Hallie went chasing after him and I noticed she had a HUGE wet-spot all down one of her legs.  I also spotted that same yellow substance on her feet.  “Oh Sh@t” I thought in my head…"that is NOT spit-up!!!!!!”  Hallie officially had diarrhea and it had run down her leg.  Oh and the best part…she was wiping it up herself.  FAIL!!!!!  I quickly whisked her upstairs and stripped her down…elbow deep in the yellow stuff and plopped her in the shower.  My mom guilt was setting in that I had completely missed this. 

2)  After Hallie had yellow-poo running down her leg I put her in the bath to rinse her off and then clean her.  I also disinfected everything I could think of as none of us can afford to get sick.  At this point Ryan had just changed Hayes’ diaper and SWEET…homeboy had his own version of a blowout.  Hallie got to splish-splash in the tub and I put plenty of bubbles in there to clean her off .  A second thing I have taught Hallie is to know when it is the right time to stand up during a shower or bath.  She knows that I get the towel and hold it for her and say “up please.”  She doesn’t stand up otherwise.  I was in such a state that I didn’t say “up please” and Hallie took it upon herself to stand up.  Well I wasn’t ready for her and she slipped and fell head first in to the water and tub.  FAIL!!!!!  Not only did my child clean up her own diarrhea, she now almost drowned in the tub.  I was near tears.  (Still am)

3)  After thinking we were in the clear…Hallie and I came back downstairs to resume dinner.  I was stocking more La Croix and Coke Zero in the fridge from our little hiding spot and a can of Coke hit the corner of our island and burst open.  Guess who/what was in the direct path?  YUP….you guessed it…HALLIE.  It came in direct contact to her eyes and she immediately started screaming.  FAIL!!!!! Nothing like trying to rinse your kids eyes out over the kitchen sink after she crapped herself and fell in the bathtub head-first. 

I wanted to wave my white flag in total mommy defeat…but Hallie turned out to be just fine.  It is days like this where I need to learn to just slow down and breathe.  I forget that I am raising a strong child who bounces back quite quickly and it is me who tends to be more affected then her.  I hope to absorb as much of her pain in life as possible…and today no doubt, was one of those days.

Colic "Calm"...Not a chance!

Colic-  This has been a very personal topic as of recently and one of the main reasons why I decided to blog again.  It is something I feel that not many people understand or are empathetic to and more importantly, there are few resources to help parents going through it.  I want to share our family’s story about dealing with colic.

Hallie was a great baby.  I went too many labor hours and many labor pains to have her, but after that, we dealt with very few low points.  Hayes on the other hand, was/is a different story.   I had a super short labor with him that was enjoyable…but everything that came after was hard on the nerves.  I know there are worse things then a child who has colic, but when you are in the trenches with it…it can be your worst enemy.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Colic is a frustrating condition marked by predictable periods of significant distress in an otherwise well-fed, healthy baby. Babies with colic often cry more than three hours a day, three days a week for three weeks or longer. Nothing you do to try to help your baby during these episodes seems to bring any relief.

It had been 6 very long weeks of having Hayes at home when we finally gave up and called the pediatrician one Saturday morning.  We hadn’t slept which isn’t uncommon for parents with newborns…but I truly mean…we really hadn’t slept.  Hayes only wanted to be held and even then he would scream.  Hayes would be fed, changed, bathed and all his needs met and still scream.  You may say that “oh he may have reflux, or be gassy, or just unsettled” but I assure you that when your baby goes from stirring to outright blood-curdling screaming…you will want to hang from the ceiling.  This was our life.  Poor Hallie had learned to ignore him…but both Ryan and I were beginning to feel resentment toward our beautiful new baby who had a clean bill of health all except for this.  IT WAS AWFUL!

When we spoke with the Dr. she assured us that we were not alone, that we weren’t bad parents for thinking bad things and she gave me the best advice/saying yet…”You won’t do a bad thing to your son despite this, because you are educated and have healthy coping skills.”  She also directed us to a resource online called Purple Crying.  Since there is no known cause for colic, Purple Crying helps give resources and support to families when there is excessive crying with their newborn.  After reading about Purple Crying I felt so much better and not alone.  It didn’t fix Hayes by any means, but it helped bring me down off the ledge.

What was also so difficult about coping with Hayes and his colic was our support system.  Parents forget what it is like to have a newborn, especially one that is different from their children.  They also forget the tough times, and honestly, circumstances can be completely different.  Ryan and I found that our support systems were less then empathetic to our situation.  The worst thing that you can say to parents of a colic baby is “it will get better.”  Obviously it will.  I am smart enough to know that.  But when I am weeks if not months in with a child who can’t settle and I am busy with another child along side of that…I don’t want to hear that.  Not to mention, people’s idea of help was to hold or play with Hallie.  That infuriated me.  Hallie didn’t need help.  She wanted our attention, which was consumed by Hayes.  I desired people to take Hayes and just hold him.  Nobody wants to hold the screaming baby though. Or if by chance he fell asleep while they held him they would have the nerve to say “well he isn’t that bad, since I’ve been holding him he has been fine.”  Well good for you… am so glad that you are the key to my child’s happiness.  UGH. 

While people may think that Ryan and I got ourselves into this “mess” by having two kids so close together, we wouldn’t change it no matter how terrible some days have been.  We are extremely blessed and we don’t take that for granted.  But that being said, we shouldn’t be punished by others judgments’ because we did get ourselves into this “beautiful mess.”  We have been fortunate (well not in the best way as I feel sympathy for them to) to have other friends who have multiple children who also just happened to have a baby boy  right around the same time as us.  They haven’t been so lucky either when it comes to a rock-star newborn.   The 3am facebook messaging while breastfeeding or pumping with the mamas has been funny and comforting.

Ryan and I know that we are not alone.  We DO know that it will get better.  We pray that Hayes will not be a difficult child as he gets older.  We do love him and are thankful for his recent smiles and laughs, how he lights up when Hallie kisses him and that he is a healthy baby boy.  We continue to practice patience that time goes by and he gets more settled and soothed. 

I know that this is honest, brutally honest and some may be offended by my thoughts and words.  I am a mom just trying to do the best job I can in raising my children.  I am not perfect and do not intend to be.  I hope that you find my words comforting to those of you out there who are going through troubled times with your children.  Believe me when I say, I know how you feel.